Just One Yesterday
by Riveting Red Pants
Summary: Dean wishes he could go back in time and fix everything he's done wrong, fix the people he's screwed up. But then again, maybe today is worth living for too.


**I know it's like all I do is songfics, but I can't help it. I hear music and my brain just does this thing . . . ANYWAYS, I'm so so in love with two things: Supernatural, and Fall Out Boy. And guess what their latest album sounds like? It sounds like Pete has been binging on SPN. (I mean have you seen the music videos? There's even black and yellow eyes!) Anywho, here's the most supernaturally song on the album, Just One Yesterday. This is set in season 9, so obviously spoilers. Reviews and such are mucho welcome!**

Just One Yesterday

_If Heaven's grief brings hell's rain, _

_then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday_

_I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way_

_still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday_

Dean sat in the bunker, his hand closed around an ice cold beer, staring off into the distance. He thought of the way thinks had been. He caught himself doing that often now a'days. Thinking back to the simple times, when it had just been him and his brother and a few measly attic ghosts. There had been none of this Abaddon crap. No Crowley breathing down their necks. It had been easy. Show up, gank the sonsofbitches, move on. He thought back to how happy Sammy had looked a few years ago. Well . . . he had just lost Jessica. But he had still been a thousand times happier than he was now. Now he just looked . . . scarred. Dean took another chug of beer. His one job in life, protect his brother, and he'd messed that up royally. Dean thought saving Sammy would be a good thing, he thought it would mean he would still have Sammy. But now the looks that Dean caught from the younger Winchester spoke differently. He didn't have Sammy, not at all. He had lost his brother.

The mark on his arm started to burn again, and he found his fist clenching the table, nails raking into the surface of the wood and drawing blood from his fingertips. He grunted and lowered his arm as the pain passed, wiping his bloody hand on his jeans. He'd better not let Cas see that, or the angel would go all weird mojo on him. Not that his angel mojo wasn't appreciated every once in a while . . . but like Sammy had his weird palm thing when he saw Lucifer, Dean needed some sort of pain to distract him from . . . well the pain. Cas . . . that was another thing he'd screwed up. No matter how long he lived, he would never get rid of the image of Cas's defeated face when he told Cas to leave the bunker. He would never forget those giant blue eyes, the way it seemed as though all the breath, all the hope, had rushed out of the guy.

_"Cas . . . you can't stay here." _Even now, he wanted to go back in time and punch himself in the face. Cas had sacrificed so much for him, always. And when the angel-no, human, needed him most? He had failed him. He had to, for Sammy's sake. But he should've told Cas from the start what was going on, it sure as hell would've avoided a lot of trouble later on. Cas deserved better than secrets anyways.

And then there was Kevin. That road of grief didn't even have conscious thought, it was just a wave of pain that seemed to encompass Dean's entire being. The kid deserved so much more. Maybe it stung so much because in Dean's eyes, Kevin had been a sort of version of Sammy. Dean could never go back and undo what he had done to Sammy, he had taken his younger brother out of college and thrust him into this terrible life, one that had forever damaged him more than any human deserved to be damaged. But Kevin, Kevin _was _Sam. Kevin was Dean making up for Sam. Because after this whole thing was through, Dean was going to see to it that Kevin returned to his regular life. Only, that hadn't worked out so well either. Because now, Kevin was dead. Dean pounded a fist into the table as tears stung his eyes.

He had managed to screw up everything, and everyone he came into contact with. He was no good. And he couldn't even kill himself. Too many people were counting on him, people he would probably let down in the end anyway. Maybe after this was all over he would . . . but no. There was always some line of thought that said "after this is all over" that went to nowhere. Because after one problem was done, there was another one, bigger, and demanding more sacrifice than the last. There would always be another problem until death finally came for him, if death ever did come for him. It seemed like the guy had a major aversion to Winchesters. Maybe, like Cain, he was now cursed to wonder the earth forever. He shuddered, unable to think of a worse punishment.

And then the sound of someone coming in with groceries snapped Dean from his thoughts. He tried to blink his tears away as he looked up to see his giant of a brother coming in with Cas. Their arms were laden with groceries and their faces were plastered with smiles.

"I can't believe you've actually seen Game of Thrones, Cas."

"Some parts of it did . . . confuse me profoundly. But you two seemed to like it enough. . ."

"Who's your favorite?"

"Daenerys of course." Castiel said, not missing a beat, looking at Sam as if the answer should've been clear to anyone. Sam laughed.

"Why? Because she's beautiful?" The two made it to the table where Dean sat and plopped the grocery bags down.

"No. I find her nature to be inspiring. The way she is capable of being ruthless, but at the same time maintain a good heart. Why? Who is your favorite?"

"Joffrey." The angel's face was a mixture of pure shock and revulsion.

"But Sam . . ."

"Dude relax, I'm totally kidding. I can't WAIT for that kid to die. My favorite is Tyrion."

"Why?"

"Because he slapped Joffrey." The angel actually laughed and then Sam was laughing. Dean felt a smile tug at his lips. The two finally seemed to stop fangirling long enough to realize he was there.

"Oh Dean, we brought you pie." Cas told him. Dean felt as though he wanted to hug the two men, and laugh at the same time. Sam and Cas both pulled out pies from their bags, and removed the plastic lids, and gave each other a joyful, sly look before smashing the pies onto Dean's face. Dean just sat there, unable to believe it.

"This. . ." He stuttered, unable to find words.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"You. . ."

"We figured you'd forgotten, but we thought we should celebrate anyways!" Sam said, laughing and swiping a finger down Dean's cheek and gathering up the creamy banana pie before licking it off his finger.

"What do you think?" Cas asked, laughing. Dean couldn't think of a time he had really heard Cas laugh, and now he was hearing it twice in one night.

"This is such a waste of pie!" Dean moaned sadly. They both grinned and pulled out four more pies, each different flavors.

"Well we couldn't let you wear it _all_!" Sammy explained. "We did get you some to eat too." Dean got up from his chair, pie dripping onto the floor beneath him.

"COME HERE YOU LITTLE-," He screamed as he started to chase the man and the angel around the room, trying to swipe them both with pie. The entire thing ended with the trio on a heap in the floor, all covered in pie, and out of breath from running and laughter.

"Thank you guys." Dean told them earnestly. Maybe just one yesterday wouldn't be so bad, but today was lookin' pretty good too.


End file.
